In the Humble Opinion of LittleBill, Socialist, Atheist, and Humanist
A Little Humor Never Hurts

In these times, we have nothing else. And when it comes to you via email, you are mandated to share.

Here are some one-liners:

  • The U.S. has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.

  • Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street.

  • The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker? The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

  • What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

  • The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right, and on the right side nothing's left.

  • I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show: if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.

  • Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite candy bar.

  • President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.

  • What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds,' I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
Here are the new Stock Market Terms you will need to know:

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife gets no jewelry.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your new life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

And, no, I'm not giving any credit here. (There is no credit!) The only credit for this I can think of goes to those who voted for Bush. Twice.

3 comments:

an average patriot said...

Now those are funny! It is pretty good that we can find humor in this? Many thought getting rid of Bush would end it but it, oh never mind. Take care!

Utah Savage said...

Very funny. Congratulations on the new posting site. You ever want to post at my place, be my guest.

LittleBill said...

Fabulous! I'm trying to think of the best one to comment on, but they're all the best.

Also, thanks for your reference.